I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
