i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
