just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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