In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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