I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize