Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
