you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
