its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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