Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
