she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
