What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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