I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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