Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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