Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
