I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize