If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
