i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
