And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize