i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
