saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think I am morally bankrupt
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
