Are we in a gay sports bar?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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