I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
