oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
