If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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