Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
