At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
