Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
