xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
