my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
