She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
