You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You left your phone here
Wait...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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