I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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