Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
