you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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