I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
