kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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