yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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