He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
