Just mADE A PArabola og urine
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize