to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
