i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
