when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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