sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
