did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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