he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
