i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
