you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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