Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Houston, we have a squirter
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
