wat bout pragnant strippers??
I can text with my tongue
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize