I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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