thus making me awesome and them whores
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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