i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
