omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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