i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
