Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
