Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
