Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
