If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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