You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
