Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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