i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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