i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
dude. I can hear the air.
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