So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I love you.
Bad choice
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