you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
