at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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