hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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