I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
