His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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