We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
