Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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