I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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