We're facebook friends in real life
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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