somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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