I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
