quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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