He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
