I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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