Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
