No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
