Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Found the puke drawer
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
