remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
