i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
wanna go halves on a baby?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
