What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
There are leaves in my underwear?
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