the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
