Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
