He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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