i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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