yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
