all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
