Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
