she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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