ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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