8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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