forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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