If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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