She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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