i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
