Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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