time to smoke my breakfast
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
