Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
