please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
